One Year a Citizen or How I Made My Life Harder Than It Ever Needed To Be

I miss everything about home. I miss champagne mornings in Pirate Alley and boring meetings at Madame X. I miss buskers sweating in the bowels of the West 4th street station and lunatics literally shouting on soap boxes. I miss Thanksgivings at the Gnome Depot, or in Palo Alto or just about anywhere. I miss driving down the coast of California listening to showtunes. I miss theatre. I miss seeing exceptionally talented people speak the words of Shakespeare the way they were written. I miss zombies and Santas and dancers taking over the streets of Manhattan (ok, maybe not the Santas so much these days). I miss the greatest day of the year - Halloween. I miss the subway voice lady who says "Myrtle/Broadway" like a phone sex operator. I miss the Natural History Museum and Delores Park. I miss knowing what to do in almost all situations. I miss walking through Greenwich Village, or Bushwick or The Mission. I miss giant ice coffees and bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches. I miss fall. I miss brunch. I miss local bluegrass bands and burlesque performances. I miss photo shoots and jacuzzis with plastic balls floating in them. I miss The Mermaid Parade. I miss thinking I might actually make it to a wedding, or be there for any important moment in the lives of the people who mean something to me. I miss access to everything and knowing what I need to do to get what I want. I miss the outrageous outpourings of creativity in costumes and decor and comedy. I miss my friends and family most of all.

A shot from a steampunk Romeo and Juliet we made the costumes for. 

When Israelis ask me, often with distaste in their mouths, why I moved here, I usually respond with "Well, I have a really great job and I like it here." I made the decision to move here based on being hired at a costume design and millinery studio. A year later, that is over. Through no fault of my own I have lost my job, due to the company not having enough money to keep me. My bosses didn't want to do this, and I certainly didn't want it either but that is what's happened and there's nothing to do about it


Losing a job is often painful, but this is far worse than any previous time. Now I find myself in a country where I don't know the language, where I'm still boggled by cultural differences, where I'm broke...and now out of work. It is a crushing disappointment and has made me question what the fuck I was thinking moving here. Life had it's troubles for me in New York, but none of those troubles have disappeared, they have simply multiplied. I am still in an expensive city that I can't afford, meaning my wallet weighs on my head continually. I am still in a profession I didn't really train for, so I have a thousand different skills but am an expert in none. And now, because I chose to move across the world I have heaped problems on top of myself. Everywhere I go there is stress.

The major factor in this is my Hebrew level, which is beginner at best. I have been given classes for becoming a citizen, but they insist on teaching proper Hebrew instead of teaching how to get along in Israel. Every where I go I am surrounded by sounds I don't understand, signs I can't read and songs

Itai and I at In D Negev, a nice music festival
 with musicians who primarily sing in English
so as to be heard overseas. Yay English!

that everyone knows but me. It is extremely draining and there has been no break from it since I left New York over a year ago. Social situations have become a test to see how much I can handle sitting there playing with my phone, or looking around or daydreaming. Even though there is tons of English here, I can not (and will not) expect everyone to cater to me. My friends make great efforts to speak English to me and I am very grateful for that, but even that is a small portion of my life here. Obviously there is a solution, to learn Hebrew, but it takes time, money and commitment (which is hard to manage when working full time and being the ever enthusiastic burner volunteer). There are two kinds of people who choose to learn new languages. Students and people over 40 who have time to kill and don't wake up concerned about money, who take it on as a hobby. Since finding out I was being laid off I have lost all ambitions to learn Hebrew. All I can feel is "Why bother? Why try so hard in a language that has NOTHING in common with my native tongue when the future I saw for myself has vanished?"

But it's not just language. Israel invited new stresses that I never had to deal with before. I do not want to get political and I don't know what has been said in the American media, but it can be quite scary here. Recently there have been many stabbing attacks on both sides. I didn't take the bus for a few weeks for fear of whatever attack could be happening. The year before, it was rockets overheard and terrifying sirens blaring. To be in the heart of the oldest and most well known conflict area in the world takes it's toll. There is a tension in the air here that will probably never go away. People go about their lives, but there's a collective memory and and anxiety about simply existing here. It is always a factor, even if people can push it out of their minds or try to ignore it. People die here and in the occupied territories all the time, and the hatred is far more violent.

It isn't all bad though, there are some aspects that are really good, like Itai. Itai and I met at Midburn 2014 and have been dating since. We have now been living together almost a year and it works very well. He's been incredibly supportive and caring while I lose my shit and cry or think I'm a failure (I also recently had a personal client disaster that left me heart broken and furious with myself only a week before I found out I was being laid off). Life has been very hard lately, but Itai has been excellent about doing his best to cheer me up and listen to my problems. We are planning to go to Burning Man this year (provided I can afford it) for his first year and his first visit to the states. So get ready, my burner friends!

Channeling Belle in a town plucked straight out of a fairy tale.

Speaking of traveling, that's another aspect that's been pretty alright. One of the reasons I wanted to move here is that when you look at a map of the world and remove the Americas, Israel is smack dab in the middle. Flights to many, many places are cheap and quick, making travel more available and I am starting to take advantage of it. In September I flew to France for two weeks to meet up with my family and then for the last week Itai joined us. It was a very lovely trip filled with art and wine and spectacular food. It was also my first time in Paris, and good lord what a beautiful and romantic city.


Itai and I will also be traveling to Amsterdam! For my first time! On my birthday! I am very excited to experience a city I have dreamed about since my first puff. And to make it even sweeter, Dutch Decompression is that weekend so we will get to enjoy a day and night long party meeting burners from other countries.

The burners in Israel are another good part of living here. The community is full of unusual and

Midburn, during a beautiful surprise wedding (that I made the
wedding dress for). I'm in there if you can find me.
Photo credit: Amir Weiss

incredible people who work hard to make absolute burner magic happen here. To see the growth of Midburn is unreal. A tiny, young community put on a regional that was so impressive that attendance doubled in a year. The community is rapidly growing (which as always, has its pros and cons) and it's very exciting to be a part of it. I have never made an art piece for a burn before, but this year at Midburn I will and I can't wait to experience it.

The food here is terrific. I think I will write my next post about that.


So there's my update. I should write more posts instead of just thinking about writing more posts. I will try.