One Year a Citizen or How I Made My Life Harder Than It Ever Needed To Be

I miss everything about home. I miss champagne mornings in Pirate Alley and boring meetings at Madame X. I miss buskers sweating in the bowels of the West 4th street station and lunatics literally shouting on soap boxes. I miss Thanksgivings at the Gnome Depot, or in Palo Alto or just about anywhere. I miss driving down the coast of California listening to showtunes. I miss theatre. I miss seeing exceptionally talented people speak the words of Shakespeare the way they were written. I miss zombies and Santas and dancers taking over the streets of Manhattan (ok, maybe not the Santas so much these days). I miss the greatest day of the year - Halloween. I miss the subway voice lady who says "Myrtle/Broadway" like a phone sex operator. I miss the Natural History Museum and Delores Park. I miss knowing what to do in almost all situations. I miss walking through Greenwich Village, or Bushwick or The Mission. I miss giant ice coffees and bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches. I miss fall. I miss brunch. I miss local bluegrass bands and burlesque performances. I miss photo shoots and jacuzzis with plastic balls floating in them. I miss The Mermaid Parade. I miss thinking I might actually make it to a wedding, or be there for any important moment in the lives of the people who mean something to me. I miss access to everything and knowing what I need to do to get what I want. I miss the outrageous outpourings of creativity in costumes and decor and comedy. I miss my friends and family most of all.

A shot from a steampunk Romeo and Juliet we made the costumes for. 

When Israelis ask me, often with distaste in their mouths, why I moved here, I usually respond with "Well, I have a really great job and I like it here." I made the decision to move here based on being hired at a costume design and millinery studio. A year later, that is over. Through no fault of my own I have lost my job, due to the company not having enough money to keep me. My bosses didn't want to do this, and I certainly didn't want it either but that is what's happened and there's nothing to do about it


Losing a job is often painful, but this is far worse than any previous time. Now I find myself in a country where I don't know the language, where I'm still boggled by cultural differences, where I'm broke...and now out of work. It is a crushing disappointment and has made me question what the fuck I was thinking moving here. Life had it's troubles for me in New York, but none of those troubles have disappeared, they have simply multiplied. I am still in an expensive city that I can't afford, meaning my wallet weighs on my head continually. I am still in a profession I didn't really train for, so I have a thousand different skills but am an expert in none. And now, because I chose to move across the world I have heaped problems on top of myself. Everywhere I go there is stress.

The major factor in this is my Hebrew level, which is beginner at best. I have been given classes for becoming a citizen, but they insist on teaching proper Hebrew instead of teaching how to get along in Israel. Every where I go I am surrounded by sounds I don't understand, signs I can't read and songs

Itai and I at In D Negev, a nice music festival
 with musicians who primarily sing in English
so as to be heard overseas. Yay English!

that everyone knows but me. It is extremely draining and there has been no break from it since I left New York over a year ago. Social situations have become a test to see how much I can handle sitting there playing with my phone, or looking around or daydreaming. Even though there is tons of English here, I can not (and will not) expect everyone to cater to me. My friends make great efforts to speak English to me and I am very grateful for that, but even that is a small portion of my life here. Obviously there is a solution, to learn Hebrew, but it takes time, money and commitment (which is hard to manage when working full time and being the ever enthusiastic burner volunteer). There are two kinds of people who choose to learn new languages. Students and people over 40 who have time to kill and don't wake up concerned about money, who take it on as a hobby. Since finding out I was being laid off I have lost all ambitions to learn Hebrew. All I can feel is "Why bother? Why try so hard in a language that has NOTHING in common with my native tongue when the future I saw for myself has vanished?"

But it's not just language. Israel invited new stresses that I never had to deal with before. I do not want to get political and I don't know what has been said in the American media, but it can be quite scary here. Recently there have been many stabbing attacks on both sides. I didn't take the bus for a few weeks for fear of whatever attack could be happening. The year before, it was rockets overheard and terrifying sirens blaring. To be in the heart of the oldest and most well known conflict area in the world takes it's toll. There is a tension in the air here that will probably never go away. People go about their lives, but there's a collective memory and and anxiety about simply existing here. It is always a factor, even if people can push it out of their minds or try to ignore it. People die here and in the occupied territories all the time, and the hatred is far more violent.

It isn't all bad though, there are some aspects that are really good, like Itai. Itai and I met at Midburn 2014 and have been dating since. We have now been living together almost a year and it works very well. He's been incredibly supportive and caring while I lose my shit and cry or think I'm a failure (I also recently had a personal client disaster that left me heart broken and furious with myself only a week before I found out I was being laid off). Life has been very hard lately, but Itai has been excellent about doing his best to cheer me up and listen to my problems. We are planning to go to Burning Man this year (provided I can afford it) for his first year and his first visit to the states. So get ready, my burner friends!

Channeling Belle in a town plucked straight out of a fairy tale.

Speaking of traveling, that's another aspect that's been pretty alright. One of the reasons I wanted to move here is that when you look at a map of the world and remove the Americas, Israel is smack dab in the middle. Flights to many, many places are cheap and quick, making travel more available and I am starting to take advantage of it. In September I flew to France for two weeks to meet up with my family and then for the last week Itai joined us. It was a very lovely trip filled with art and wine and spectacular food. It was also my first time in Paris, and good lord what a beautiful and romantic city.


Itai and I will also be traveling to Amsterdam! For my first time! On my birthday! I am very excited to experience a city I have dreamed about since my first puff. And to make it even sweeter, Dutch Decompression is that weekend so we will get to enjoy a day and night long party meeting burners from other countries.

The burners in Israel are another good part of living here. The community is full of unusual and

Midburn, during a beautiful surprise wedding (that I made the
wedding dress for). I'm in there if you can find me.
Photo credit: Amir Weiss

incredible people who work hard to make absolute burner magic happen here. To see the growth of Midburn is unreal. A tiny, young community put on a regional that was so impressive that attendance doubled in a year. The community is rapidly growing (which as always, has its pros and cons) and it's very exciting to be a part of it. I have never made an art piece for a burn before, but this year at Midburn I will and I can't wait to experience it.

The food here is terrific. I think I will write my next post about that.


So there's my update. I should write more posts instead of just thinking about writing more posts. I will try.

War! or Why You Wont Save the World with Facebook

My whole life I have avoided having an opinion on Israel. As a Jew, there is extra pressure to “pick a side,” but I never felt comfortable doing so because none of the information ever seemed clear or unbiased. In fact, my most common response was “Well, I don’t know, but I can tell you this…when I went to Jordan and Israel as a child the Jordanians were amazingly nice and the Israelis were really pretty horrible.” Which is true. I got in trouble in Hebrew school with my conservative Israeli teacher, she even called my parents into school and their response was “Well, she was actually there, so what do you expect her to say?” I would note though that we were stuck in Eilat the whole time because the center of Israel, of course, was in danger at the moment and my parents decided it was best that we don’t go where suicide bombers are blowing us busses.

I have spent the past six months in Israel, and while there (as all of you know) I have experienced an oh-so-familiar Israeli experience. War. I have never been in war before. I mean, The US is ALWAYS at war somewhere, but they keep it far away from America and most Americans barely even think about it. And I lived in NY for Sept 11^th, and that was scary, but it’s not the same. It’s not the same to know that at any moment some government may make a choice that is going to make life more dangerous, it’s not the same to know friends and friends of friends who have been out of the army for years are being called back to potentially go into a life-threatening war zone, it’s not the same to hear a siren and know that the Iron Dome will intercept it, but still listen in worry for a boom to know you’re safe.

When the rockets started coming more frequently in the South (I say more frequently because it is going on all the time) I had several Israelis explain to me that this was to be expected. It’s the summer. It’s hot. People are cranky. Rockets are firing? Eh, it’s summer, it’s time for war! What was frightening was to see the Israelis around me change their attitude as they saw that this summer would be a bad one, worse that your average summer war.

My first siren I was alone in my boss’ (also my adopted Israeli mother) house. My room is on the fourth floor of her beautiful home in Petah Tiqwa. I had just been talking to an Israeli who lives in NY and he was asking me if I had dealt with a siren yet. When it came on I was slightly confused and then realized what it was. It’s an unforgettable sound. I ran downstairs, assuming I was supposed to go to the basement and not knowing where the mamad (shelter that every single Israeli home is supposed to have) is. In a slapstick inspired moment the alarm of the house also came on as I tried to run down the stairs, not sure what to do I quickly jammed the code in and it blared louder as I put the code in incorrectly. Eventually I gave up and got to the basement, with the siren and house alarm at full blast. I stayed down there for a while as I didn’t know the protocol (you’re supposed to wait ten minutes after the siren, but you try telling an Israeli that). Eventually I went back up to my room, a little shaken but ok. Two hours later there was another siren, but this time the kids were home. I can’t tell you how silly I felt when I walked downstairs and my boss’ two youngest kids were just playing and watching tv like nothing was happening. At this point the rockets to the center (Tel Aviv and the surrounding cities) had just begun and no one was taking it seriously or scared…yet. These kids grew up with it, everyone in Israel has grown up with rockets, whatever fears they might have they stifle because you can’t let rockets ruin your life.

It was then that I heard my first boom, too. That is something terrifying I was not prepared for. When a rocket is fired into Israel the Iron Dome responds. What that means is that as a rocket is flying, two Israeli missiles go after it (two, in case the first one fails) when the Israeli missiles destroy the rocket it makes a very large boom…but I didn’t know this until after my first few booms and assumed that meant the land was being hit (for the record, the land does get hit, the Iron Dome doesn’t intercept when rockets hit open fields or the sea). Sometimes these booms are so close they shake the building. It’s scary. I don’t get scared easily, but to be in the situation is scary. If it weren’t for the Iron Dome there would be huge amounts of damage and more importantly, huge amounts of casualties. I saw an article recently that referred to Hamas’ rockets as “impotent.” That’s simply not true, these rockets are incredibly dangerous and life-threatening and it is only because Israel has spent so much money and used it’s best brains to create a system to defend it’s people. So when you look at the casualty numbers in Gaza and Israel, remember that. The numbers would be far greater if it weren’t for this incredible protective system.

Now, to my real gripe. This is for many of you, mostly in America. I started this post off explaining why I never “picked a side” when it came to Israel. I wish deeply that many of you would try this logic. Your regurgitation of biased articles on both sides is so depressing and so misleading. I see you wringing your hands and beating your chests and lamenting “Oh, I don’t even know what to believe!” You’re right. You don’t know what to believe. The information you get is NEVER without bias. The information you get is NEVER with the full scope of history. You don’t know what to believe? Then don’t believe any of it. Don’t pick a side. Don’t continually post articles and opinions that you can’t fact-check. I recently saw someone post a picture of a beautiful city on top and the ruins of Gaza on the bottom, the text read something like “A beautiful city destroyed for no reason,” except that picture on top was of Haifa, an Israeli city. Now, how is the person who posted that supposed to know? How is she supposed to know that the pictures of bloody children are actually from Syria and not Gaza? I agree it is very hard to know these things. So stop. You’re showing your ignorance and a surprising lack of intelligence.

There is so much you can change, you can affect. Facebook is absolutely a platform that can spark and encourage change. But guess what, no one cares about your opinion here, and it wont change a damn thing. I have seen so often “I feel I should weigh in…” I wonder if anyone says that but Americans, it is such an American frame of mind. Why should you weigh in? You have a PHD in Middle Eastern studies? You served in the IDF? You lived in Gaza for a spell? No? You just have a computer and fingers to type and you’re American so you think you’re opinion needs to be heard for the good of humanity? Well, aren’t you a special snowflake. How righteous of you to spark 40 comment long threads where no one will change their mind or listen to the other side anyway. You’re really making a difference in the world. You don’t want your tax dollars going to Israel? Well good, write a letter to your congressman. DO SOMETHING if it upsets you so much. And while you’re at it, you may want to take a look at all the lovely things your tax money pays for and write a letter about that too.

Look, I’m not saying don’t have an opinion, or don’t discuss the Middle East, but I am saying stop oversimplifying things just for a chance to wave your dick around facebook. Discuss in person, discuss with an open mind. Both sides have valid points and both sides have everything to lose…but you know who has nothing to lose? You. You wont be affected by this conflict, ever. So stop passing judgment and focusing so intently on something that has nothing to do with you. Look in your own backyard if you want to be angry and make changes in the world. Detroit is turning into a third world country. Racism is basically institutionalized in our judicial system. Women are losing the rights they worked so hard to gain. Children are starving while Wall St. bankers shit into golden toilets. Separation of Church and State is nothing more than a punchline to a joke. Politicians are legislating to serve corporations instead of to serve you. YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Stop wasting your breath trying to answer questions that cannot be answered (unless you plan to be the next Nobel Peace prize winner, then by all means, please keep focusing on Israel and Gaza). If you really give a shit about helping people, saving people, do it. Do it where you can make a difference, and please, please stop acting like the world’s most difficult international issue is some cut and dry opinion piece you can jizz all over facebook. It’s not.

Finally, I know some of you are awaiting having a conversation with me. I know some of you are anxious to throw attacks at me. I know some of you are genuinely curious and open-minded. Here are some guidelines.

• Don’t ask me to defend the occupation. I wont. I think it’s fucking terrible and needs to end immediately.
• If you don’t believe Israel has a right to exist, I have nothing to say to you. Really. You obviously don’t understand the issues at hand and are almost definitely set in your ways and should probably never mention one word of your bullshit to me.
•  If you support Hamas, see above. Seriously. They are very, very bad and there is no excuse good enough in the world for the kind of atrocities they commit.
• Don’t assume you know what I’m going to say. I was recently at a peace demonstration in Tel Aviv and I have thought long and hard about by own opinion, it is based upon knowledge and experience. You don’t know what I think.  
• If you really think you’re right, on either side, know your history. Don’t talk to me about borders unless you know all about the wars that Israel has fought against it’s neighbors. If you think Gaza is still occupied, you haven’t learned enough to discuss this topic with me.
• Understand that I may not want to talk about it at all. I can’t tell you how many times I have written a comment on one your posts only to delete it because I know the endless internet battle that will follow. I am exhausted by people’s simplifications and accusations already, and that’s only been online. 

That’s it. Bait me at your own risk, or simply be a dear and toast some champagne or shake your booty with me, talking about politics is uncouth anyway.

MIDBURN: Burning Man in Israel

The Temple
Photo by Tzachi Dovrat

It’s the blog post you’ve all been waiting for! I know you all want to know how the virgin burn in Israel was. It's very long so I have labeled sections if you only care to hear about some aspects (or if you're Israeli and the idea of reading this much English makes your head hurt). There have been articles, but none have done it justice. How was it? In one word: Awesome. Everyone who participated should feel proud for the amazing event that was Midburn.

First, let me start by saying this is only MY experience and MY opinion. I am sure many people will disagree with many of my points, that’s fine, opinions are like assholes and all that jazz. I do not pretend to be the final word on burniness, nor do I pretend to know all of what was going on. I simply know what I have experienced.

Just Like Burning Man?!

The Man and Eve, the Midburn Effigy
Photo by Tzachi Dovrat

Desert: 
So, what was the same as Black Rock City (or Nevada as everyone in Israel calls it, and henceforth I shall do the same)? Well, it’s a desert for starters. A desert with dust storms and dust tornados, except it’s actually sand. I didn’t know it would be so windy and as a result was gravely unprepared, bringing only one bandana and no goggles. As fellow contact wearers can attest to, this fucking sucked. I
basically had to hide during whiteouts for the sake of my already dry and uncomfortable eyes. Bad burner. Always bring goggles, always bring a dust mask. On the upside, the sand was not nearly as toxic as Nevada and did not dry out everything in your body immediately, I didn’t even lose my voice! However, it was WAAAY fucking hotter. The sun feels stronger in Israel and the desert was no different. This also meant the nights were not nearly so cold as in Nevada, some night were even so warm, one could wear practically nothing and have her tits out at night!

City: 
It was a city, with lettered and clocked roads. Now, right before the event (literally RIGHT before it) the army informed the production team that they needed to push the event into a different, smaller space. Can you even imagine such a nightmare? To push a carefully mapped out circular city into a space that is wider than it is long? But, both burners and Israelis know how to roll with the punches and a new map was born. Now I know the new map wasn’t ideal, it included pushing sound camps into “deep” playa behind the effigy and made it lose that great feeling of standing on esplanade and seeing the whole city, but it worked, even if the carefully mapped roads were sometimes ignored and finding an address was a bit confusing.

FIRE!!!!!

Fire tornados coming off the Effigy Burn
Photo by Ron Blecher

There was fire. Not a lot of fire, but burning happened and it was beautiful. This is the first time an event like this has ever been done in Israel and needless to say, the authorities were very skeptical. Israel has many festivals (it is so part of the culture here that the Midburners insisted on calling this an event and not a festival to dissuade people from getting the wrong idea) and the police were not ok with the idea of massive fires, so much so that the night the effigy was supposed to burn, it didn’t. Thankfully the production worked so well with the police that we were able to burn the next night, forcing the effigy and the temple to be burnt on the same night…which was magical, but I’ll get to that later.

That Feeling You Get as You Walk into the BRC:
Most importantly though, the vibe, the ethos, the feeling was the same. The burner spirit was there in full force, which is particularly impressive when you know that only a small percentage of the 3,000 people there had ever been to Nevada. One of my favorite moments was during build week when I was

Shithole Camp. The best, most reliable party on playa. Also the best music.
And yes, that is a Virgin Mary that pours Blood Marys out of her vagina.

fluffing (I will get to that later) and I went up to an art project and offered them some ice. They asked me what a fluffer was and I noticed they had accents. In my head I thought “hmm, I wonder where they’re from?” and it wasn’t until I was walking away from them that I went “Idiot, they’re Israeli.” I had forgotten I was in Israel, I had forgotten I wasn’t in Black Rock City because it all felt so comfortable, so much like home. In many ways Israelis are naturals for the burn. They are comfortable with and know how to handle the desert, they tend to be on the more imaginative and creative side of the brain (there are many articles about Israeli ingenuity, the amount of start-ups, inventions and new ideas that come out of a country that’s only slightly bigger than New Jersey is staggering) and they tend to have an innate sense of community. Israelis take care of each other – my food is your food, my home is your home, you need someone who has a specialty? Quick let me call my relative who knows a guy who knows a guy, we’ll take care of this problem. I believe this sense of community is what made the vibe of Midburn so…burny. It’s not a far step for many Israelis to apply themselves to the ten principles.

Ok, So it wasnt Exactly like Burning Man. 

I'm in Fucking DPW!
Now, I know what you all want to know. How was it different? Well first, let me tell you about my specific experience and how wildly different that was. All four years at Burning Man I have gone early to help (and this year will be no different). I love being there to watch the city grow. I am however, not a builder. In most cases I was dealing with the kitchen for Kostume Kult, which certainly takes work, but not much in the way of building. I was among the first group of people who arrived at the location

Beautiful Mapatz painting done by Sunshine.

for Midburn (where we had to sit and wait for a while because none of the trucks had arrived, of course). I was supposed to run the kitchen for Mapatz (Israeli DPW) but to make a very long story short, I opted out of the kitchen once we were on playa. As a result I ended up being a part of Mapatz. That’s right, I was in DPW, I bet none of you saw that coming. This was an excellent and trying experience for me. I am not used to so much manual labor and especially not in the scorching heat. The first day I over extended, trying to be big and tough and lifted more than I really could. I hurt badly that night and learned from my mistake and did not hesitate to say “no” when it came to doing things that require a lot of strength. I did many things in Mapatz including building the fence around the event, mapping out roads, marking Porta-Potty spaces, working at the gate for opening and of course, unloading and reloading and moving things from one pile to another pile, because of course, as we all know, that’s what a burn is. It was very exciting to build the city, the sense of pride and ownership (ooooh what a non-burner thing to say) was intoxicating. I now understand why the people of DPW are considered to be such assholes. We were only out there a week early, I can’t imagine how one must feel after two months. Everyone comes to DPW for help, and often for idiotic things. You need help with your generators? You didn’t bring the right tools? You don’t know how set up shade? FUCK YOU HIPPIES, WE BUILT THIS CITY!!!! (and then of course we help them).

I Don't Speak Hebrew :(

Language. Oy. What I would give to wake up in the morning and be able to speak Hebrew fluently. It’s not that people didn’t speak English, there was A LOT of English. Israel is a very international community and Midburn was the same, English is often the common denominator when you are speaking to Israelis, Germans, French (I only now realize there is no “Frenchs,” seriously? We have to call you “the French?!), Australians and Americans. Important instructions were often given in English and many people were wonderful about speaking English to me. And my Israeli friends, please know I am so, so, so grateful to you for speaking English to me, I know it takes more thinking and energy and I

A whole bunch of Mapatzniks on what was a fabulous day.

truly can’t thank you enough. What sucked was when everyone would be sitting around in our shade and from all the laughing I could tell a conversation was very entertaining and fun, and I couldn’t be a part of it. I am also used to being able to butt into burner conversations when I overhear something I want to respond to and making friends that way, and this skill was taken from me. But most of all, I know I didn’t get a sense of everyone, or at least how everyone really is. It is only the people who felt comfortable and wanted to speak English with me that I got to know, and even some of them I probably don’t really know who they are because they cannot express themselves in the same way. There are plenty of people I’m sure I would’ve loved, but didn’t get to know because they were not speaking English. Next year I hope to be better and at least be able to have decent conversation in Hebrew.

I am a Playa Goddess, and also מלכה: 

Lifted the whole effigy up by myself. Itai helped a bit.
Photo by Pablo Strauss 

Not only were there changes in my surroundings, but I myself have changed. When I first went to Burning Man it was in 2010 and I was convinced in one night that I had to go by a bawdy pirate who talked my ear off about costumes and art. He would quickly become my boyfriend and a big part of my life for the next two and half years. I recall being in awe of his effortless cool and relaxed demeanor. When we got to playa (to do work) he had this laidback attitude and assurance that everything would work out. While at times he irritated me with this, it was for the most part intoxicating to be around. My first burn was his 5th burn. Midburn was my 5th burn. Many of the midburners had never been to Nevada, or had only been once or twice. I found myself being at ease with who I am and what I wanted to do (or not) and was able to relax, knowing full well that everything was going to work out. Could it be that that same aura of ease that had so attracted me to my ex was now what I was intoxicating others with? I had several people tell me my influence and attitude was a great and helpful addition to the people around me, and that I am "the real deal" or a "real burner." I felt proud that my years of burning showed and that I could help bring the spirit to those around me. It was also the first burn that felt completely mine. This same pirate was with me for the first three burns, and my fourth was greatly eclipsed by the mourning I felt for what had, at times, been a beautiful relationship. At Midburn I was free of any past associations, free of reliving or even invoking old memories, free of anyone knowing what my burns had been before. This burn was mine, and mine alone. 

The Playa in the Negev:

Sabbaleh (Grandpa)
Photo by Yosef Adest

First of, Midburn was much, much smaller. 3,000 people in an area about the size of PEX. This has its pro and cons, if you run out of water or have a champagne bottle to throw out, you’re never too far from your tent. If you see something happening across playa, you can get there and it will still be going on. Your feet are tired, but it’s not as excruciating. On the other hand, there are only a handful of sound camps and things going on at night (basically only esplanade and the sound camps that were pushed into the deeps were alive at night, the rest of the city was dark) and the deeps were not so deep, though that is partially because of the changed map. As many of you might know, my favorite part of Burning Man is being out in the deeps finding art. I don’t always want to dance or drink or party, I love the desert and I love the strange living silence of it. This love was hard to feed at Midburn and it didn’t take long to have seen all the art. But that’s ok, it was the first burn, I know it will be much grander in years to come. The art itself was also not really on par with the art in Nevada, there were some beautiful pieces like the Sabbaleh – a intricately made wood grandpa with perfect lights coursing through his body, and a giant Whale that had projections on it and events inside and big ‘ol baleen teeth to walk through (hot damn do I love walking through movable entranceways), but in general the art was much smaller scale and sometimes not too intriguing, which is also true in Nevada (ugh “cat city”), there’s just waaaaaay more to choose from in Nevada. And again, it was the first burn and for that it was impeccable. I expect next year there will be more funding, more resources and more experience and it will only get better. There were also no art cars. Bummer. Total bummer. There was no way the cops were going to let that happen…but the cops love us now, so hopefully in the years to come there will be that most fun element of a burn.

The Effigy Burn:

The swirling smoke of the Effigy Burn
Photo by Yosef Adest

Sometimes when I describe Burning Man to people they ask me if The Man has ever been a woman. I sadly shake my head and say no (putting an Omega on the crotch isn’t good enough for me). It upsets me that the man has never been a woman - how can a community so determined to treat everyone equally not at some point make the focal point of the entire event a woman? And please, spare me your “the man is the everyman and represents every person" bullshit. No, he's not. If he was, he would be an "it" and we would call him a person. He is a man. And as a woman, maybe you don't care (but I do) and as a man, you will never know how alienating it feels that we are supposed to equate "man" with "person." So, Burning Man has never had a Burning Woman. Lame. But you know what, Midburn did. Midburn had the first ever co-ed effigy, and it was fucking beautiful. Everyone could look at it and see a part of themselves (and before someone attacks me for not including trans people, who is to say either figure was cis-gendered? They were both abstract representations of a man and a woman meeting at the heart, full of love and celebration). It was truly beautiful. The burn itself was magnificent with both figures as silhouettes in the fire. It felt good to watch this fiery couple go down in flames and I was proud to work perimeter on it and contribute in the small way that I could. But that wasn't the only burn that night...

The Best Temple Burn I Have Ever Seen:

The beautiful sunrise Temple Burn
Photo by Maya Oren

I mentioned that the effigy burn got delayed so it had to be burned on the last night. This meant that tit was pushed to the same night as the temple. So what to do? A sunrise temple burn, of course. I cannot stress how beautiful this was. There are no pictures that can possibly describe how the pink of the sunrise and the orange of the flames mixed together. No possible way to tell you how amazing it was when the sun finally peaked through the mountains as the fire raged. The first thing I thought when I saw the temple design was "damn, that's going to be a sexy burn." Each "tree" was lit on its own, making giant towers of flame and smoke that spiraled up out of the top. It was cathartic and it was magical. Unfortunately the traditions of Burning Man aren't necessarily known so well here and a silent burn it was not (not that I insist on silence, I think mourning in any way should be acceptable e.g. the Freebird incident) and there was a lot of talking and laughing and some yelling which was partially fueled by the fact that it was sunrise and people were wasted from the night before. That was a bummer, but hopefully next year the tradition of a respectful temple burn will be more encouraged.

Fine, I'll Get Vaguely Political - Yes, Israel Deserves to have a Burn:

I have had many, many people tell me about a certain email that went around the NY Burner community condemning an Israeli Burning Man. Now, I will admit I have not read it (my inbox is already loaded with NY burner mail, I had to trim the fat somewhere) but I have heard the arguments. As the only NY burner who was actually there, I feel I ought to respond to this. Yes, Israel deserves to have a burn. I have two very clear explanations as to why.

1. The government did not put on Midburn, burners put on Midburn. This community is only three years old. THREE YEARS OLD! Think about your camp, your crew, your state's entire community. Think about the first three years (if you were there). Now think about putting on an actual real fucking burn for 3000 people. It's incredible, it really is. A community so young, that's so filled with people who have never and may never have the chance to go to Nevada being able to pull that off? Remarkable. These burners work their asses off. Like some of you, they have dedicated all of their time, resources, brains and hearts to make this event happen. They worked so hard to bring a spirit and a way of life to their own country. It is a year round community, burner events happen all the time. So they shouldn't have a burn because if their country's government? Is Burning Man a representation of America's government? Does going to Burning Man mean you support what the country does? No, it doesn't. Neither does going to Midburn. For more on this see my previous post: There is Only One Language that Matters

2. For those burnier than thou types who believe Israel shouldn't have a burn because the country doesn't uphold the ten principles...Excuuuuuuuuuuse me, but are you fucking kidding me? We would not have the ten principles if it weren't for the fact that America doesn't abide by anything like them. Go ahead and talk about atrocities that Israel commits, but you know damn well that America has bloody hands and has since it was established. By this logic the only sensible place to have a burn would be someplace completely non-offensive, like Canada or Switzerland. America has a dark and dirty past, and the present isn't much nicer. Get off your high horse, you look like a silly hypocrite up there.

After the sunrise burn, and yes of course I'm swinging a champagne bottle
(cava) around. Me in a bubble. Think snarky politically related thoughts
now. I can't remember who took this picture, sorry!

Finally, I would like to note what a burn is. A burn is world we all decide to create together. A burn fills the void for how we believe the world ought to be. A burn is not the country it is in, it is not the past, the burn is right now, this moment. Immediacy. I think it's interesting to note that countries like America, South Africa and Israel all have such strong burner communities. These are societies plagued by racism and violence and hatred. Is it any wonder we all go out to the desert to create a better world for ourselves? Is it any wonder we want to escape the taunts of the default world and try out the peaceful, accepting and loving atmosphere we all crave? Is it any wonder that for most of us, when we have found each other we are changed for life and refuse to let go of each other? Burning Man is for everyone. Afrikaburn is for everyone. Midburn is for everyone. Leave the hatred aside and remember that a burn is about the love of thousands of people coming together, to burn, to joke, to sing, to dance, to eat, to drink, to smoke, to yell, to mock, to laugh, to prank, to pirate, to smile, to cry, to love, to love, to love, to love, to love. To make a community. To love.

What am I doing here?

So...I'm going to a take a break from my theories and proselytizing and do something more basic. I figure some of you might be interested in what I'm actually doing here as opposed to all my feeeeeelings.

Me, Maor and Tal all wearing the incredible top hats we made

I am here to do a 5 month internship doing costume design for theatre. The internship is amazing. I am working for Maor Zabar (go to his site...it's beautiful maorzabar.com ) and working on incredible work. The hardest part about being on the road as I have been so much this past year is that I couldn't bring my crafty things along with me (I am constantly fantasizing about my boxes of costumes, fabric and unusual things I have collected over the years spread throughout New York, Connecticut, Pennsylvania and California). Without the tools and materials it's very hard to make things. It has been such a joy to create again. I get to do so many different things, and I'm learning new skills all the time. I've made wings of yarn for a stork who loses her feathers when she moves to the city. I've taken steel brushes and paint to a finely made corset until it's red threads hung out in clumps. I've beaded the grass for a whimsical playground for a cat. I've stabbed a leather needle the non-pointy direction straight up under my nail. And, for the first time in over a year, I made a pattern. It was frustrating and challenging and I forgot how much I missed that visual puzzle. I love making things and working with my hands. It is so wonderful to be back.

A glove I was responsible for that was sent
for an exhibition at Musee d'Art Moderne
de la Ville de Paris. The latticed piece makes
a cuff that flares out away from the elbow. 

My other boss is named Tal, and she has given me an exquisite gift. When I moved to Tel Aviv I was given a space in the equivalent of a dorm, our whole internship program (95 or so) as well as other programs that bring foreigners to Israel live there. The rooms range from singles to quads, I am in a double and have one roommate. Our beds, kitchen and closets are all in one room and our bathroom (like many in the building) reeks of mildew and ickiness. I have a pretty high tolerance for filth and unappetizing living conditions, so it isn't really that bothersome to me, but I still complained about it. Tal thought it sounded pretty bad and decided to invite me to live with her. I felt shy and strange about it but she told me just to come for one night and see how I like it and I couldn't say no. She showed me to a beautiful room that takes up the entire top floor of her beautiful four-story house. The room is massive, with a large and soft (oh my god you guys...Israeli beds are so hard) bed, a bathroom of its own and a jacuzzi on the roof. I pretty much decided to accept her offer immediately. I have been living here for about a  couple months or so and it has been great. I live with Tal, her husband and her three kids...which has been good for my hebrew. I hear it much more now and the youngest girl (who is smart and funny and very, very sweet) is only just learning English so I try as best I can to communicate with her in hebrew.

So obviously this is all great. It was made even better when last month they offered me a job. I will now be coming back here in September to work (and get paid this time!) doing what I love. Tal has also

A satyr we did made painstakingly out
foam. Look at those hooves. Amazing.

 offered to let me stay at her house as long as I need to, so I will have time to save up money and find the perfect living situation for me. What this means is that I will be making aliyah. Making aliyah means moving to Israel and getting Israeli citizenship while maintaining my original citizenship. They offer small amounts of money to help at first, as well as Hebrew classes. I love it here and I look forward to properly living here. Learning Hebrew is a daunting task and a bit scary, but it will come. I look forward to being sassy with Hebrew, I enjoy it as a language when it's slow enough that I can understand parts.

Social-wise...I have, of course, been hanging out with the burners...but I'll leave all of that for my next post when I discuss the epicness of Midburn.

So...what else has been going on?

I've been eating mostly vegetarian. I've apparently reached the limit of how tan my skin can get, and it's not that tan. My hair is too long, but it also fits in well here. I've installed a Hebrew keyboard on my laptop and cell phone. I've eaten poyke and misabacha and schnitzel and salads made of tiny little cut up pieces of vegetables. I've drank mud and Arak (though not together). I've chosen a playa name - מלכה (Malka, which means Queen). I have pirated on the Jordan river and become a big fan of large, lightweight, flowing pants.

In two weeks I have spent lots of time in both the desert and then also in the North of Israel and gone from dusty white-outs to luscious greenery and cool water. Israel is amazing. I am hooked and in love.


Next post I will tell you all about Midburn, I'm just waiting to compile some pictures....then I will return to my theories about life and whatnot...because it's my blog and I'll do what I want to.